Story of my life.

Hi,

Its been awhile since my last post. I dont have any internet line/laptop since I stupidly sell my laptop with only 300ringgit price while it cost me over 3k to buy it 3years ago (haha..okay, not me buy it, my father did buy for me.) Once for all, I think I dont need to use any laptop and I want to move on to use tablet. But my decision is all wrong. I have to still use laptop to do some work from home. Its ok, my another lesson to learn.

I've learn a lot of thing here, I means Penang. Not just only feel alone and lonely, but feel the burden of my work since I need to learn how to arrange my work very well. Dealing with people is not an easy work. It cost your heart must be strong and toleration, open minded and also be so patient. You have to work hard to understand your job and make it done as your boss want you to do. People may think that I am regret with my decision. No, I am not regret. I choose to have my own life, choose to suffer, I choose to be more independent though sometimes I miss what I got back there when I'm home. But I think, its the time I appreciate what I have and dont eager for more. People tend to make mistakes and learn from it. I do learn something in my life. Family is very important. They are your life, your spirit, your laugh, your enthusiasm too live and your everything.

I used to be a big asshole back then and let my younger sister to hate me. Yeah,, she said to me she hate me. But I didn't realize that. I just remember we not very close to each other, we dont talk like other sister and we always quarrel with each other and she was too pissed with me since I always get what I want. I will cry and cry if I dont get what I want. I will pissed or being too aggressive and let my father and my mom suffer with headache. I also not close with my mom, and I have only my dad, but he cant be compared with my late grandfather. My late grandpa is a great man, the one that hear all my story, all my pain, and be there when I need someone the most. He was so sweet and he give me everything that I want. I love him very much.

I still remember, my grandpa will not allowed even my mom to hit me when I was super duper nakal. I can do whatever I want cause I know I got my back up. I miss that moment. He pass away when I am 8 years old. I have high fever and cannot stand up. I feel so lonely. A very lonely moment and then my hell life appeared.

I cant do whatever I want to do, my mom always hit me, and I miss my grandpa so much. There's no one to hear my feeling, to understand me, to hug me when i needed. I cry so hard in my heart and I buried my feeling deep inside. Though I'm being hate cause I always talk back when my mom say something, I never hate people. I never hate people though they break my heart, they dont understand me and makes me take my own way. I've settle down in different way compare my other sister.

I ruin myself with my childish action. I have no patient. I think this time around, I have to make my mom and dad proud with me. I want them to see, this ruthless girl is still can make them proud. (Ruthless in a way treat them with no respect sometimes)

Today, I am engineer, and I am happy with what I have. I try to match back the broken pieces with my sis and let them know that I'm not an ass.

I just want them to know. I love my family very much. I am sorry, I'm not a good daughter or a good sister, but I will try to be my best. I will try to be such a wonderful person with end in mind. I will try to seek our mutual understanding and I dont blame you for what I have become.

I'm growing up now and I may become a mother in a few years. I hope I can be a great mother as my mom and great companion as my dad and my grandpa.